I will add more to this as I think of more or as I observe more from Dolly the Dachshund. I am attempting to do this from Dolly's point of view.
I reserve the right for all time to make the writers of books on Dachshund behavior look like fools who did not research their subject matter. I shall make them look like childless people who write books on how to raise children.
I reserve the right to bring my evil stuffed rabbit to bed with me to keep an eye on him. You never know when he may need more killing. He may suddenly come to life and attack my humans for which I intend to make him pay dearly by sinking my ferocious fangs into his soft fat body.
I have the right to have a complex personality, forcing my humans to study me in an effort to figure me out. What works for other dogs does not work for me.
I have the right to enforce the rules of my humans home. If I obey them then all creatures that live here must follow them too. If the cats fight I shall break it up without hurting them.
Speaking of cats.. The top of my human's Lane Big Man's Recliner belongs to me alone. I shall reside there and make my human comfortable by serving as his pillow in spite of his occasional objections.
I have the right to worry over my male human's well being like he is a child of mine. How a small dog like me gave birth to such a large person is beyond my ability to comprehend. If I think he is too cold or too hot or in any danger whatsoever I will try to herd him back inside the house even though he is stubborn too and does not always listen to me. Even though I do these things I recognize that he is the boss and even a mildly cross word from him makes me very sad.
I have the right to become enraged whenever I think harm has happened to a small human child regardless of whether I know them or not.
2. I have the right to wait until my human goes to sleep and then stand on his head with my front paws and lick his face at the same time.
3. I have the right to open, but never close doors, without my humans learning how I do it.
4. I have the right to defend my home against all bogeymen both real and imagined.
5. I have the right to bark to my hearts content at anything I perceive to be wrong in my neighborhood.
6. On entering the outside world I have the right to bark to announce my mighty presence.
7. I have the right to be a finicky eater, loving a certain food one day and hating it the next. I however shall always love to eat things I am not supposed to such as chocolate.
8. I have the right to be loved by my humans and return that love to them three times over.
9. I have the right to be in the presence of my humans at all times except when I am doing an inspection tour of the world outside my home.
10. I have the right to not be treated roughly by my humans but play fighting is OK.
11. I have the right to jump on beds and burrow underneath the blankets mainly to sleep but also to check for imaginary evil Badgers.
12. I once had the right to fiercely hate the male humans in my home but I now have given up that right cheerfully. I now have the right to love them even more fiercely than I hated them and I shall always be very sad when they are gone.
13. I have the right to be a clown. doing funny things in an intelligent way that make my humans howl in laughter.
.My rights are still a work in progress. More may be added and others revised as I see fit.
I reserve the right for all time to make the writers of books on Dachshund behavior look like fools who did not research their subject matter. I shall make them look like childless people who write books on how to raise children.
I reserve the right to bring my evil stuffed rabbit to bed with me to keep an eye on him. You never know when he may need more killing. He may suddenly come to life and attack my humans for which I intend to make him pay dearly by sinking my ferocious fangs into his soft fat body.
I have the right to have a complex personality, forcing my humans to study me in an effort to figure me out. What works for other dogs does not work for me.
I have the right to enforce the rules of my humans home. If I obey them then all creatures that live here must follow them too. If the cats fight I shall break it up without hurting them.
Speaking of cats.. The top of my human's Lane Big Man's Recliner belongs to me alone. I shall reside there and make my human comfortable by serving as his pillow in spite of his occasional objections.
I have the right to worry over my male human's well being like he is a child of mine. How a small dog like me gave birth to such a large person is beyond my ability to comprehend. If I think he is too cold or too hot or in any danger whatsoever I will try to herd him back inside the house even though he is stubborn too and does not always listen to me. Even though I do these things I recognize that he is the boss and even a mildly cross word from him makes me very sad.
I have the right to become enraged whenever I think harm has happened to a small human child regardless of whether I know them or not.
2. I have the right to wait until my human goes to sleep and then stand on his head with my front paws and lick his face at the same time.
3. I have the right to open, but never close doors, without my humans learning how I do it.
4. I have the right to defend my home against all bogeymen both real and imagined.
5. I have the right to bark to my hearts content at anything I perceive to be wrong in my neighborhood.
6. On entering the outside world I have the right to bark to announce my mighty presence.
7. I have the right to be a finicky eater, loving a certain food one day and hating it the next. I however shall always love to eat things I am not supposed to such as chocolate.
8. I have the right to be loved by my humans and return that love to them three times over.
9. I have the right to be in the presence of my humans at all times except when I am doing an inspection tour of the world outside my home.
10. I have the right to not be treated roughly by my humans but play fighting is OK.
11. I have the right to jump on beds and burrow underneath the blankets mainly to sleep but also to check for imaginary evil Badgers.
12. I once had the right to fiercely hate the male humans in my home but I now have given up that right cheerfully. I now have the right to love them even more fiercely than I hated them and I shall always be very sad when they are gone.
13. I have the right to be a clown. doing funny things in an intelligent way that make my humans howl in laughter.
.My rights are still a work in progress. More may be added and others revised as I see fit.
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